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Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 508 days since my last posting.
I have returned here to share some truths. They are not all as pretty as my pictures, but they are all I have left. Over the past couple years it seems that I have been to the top of the mountain, the deepest valleys, and all thats inbetween. I need to begin again, and continue to tell my story as honest and as completely as possible. It doesn't matter anymore if anyone reads or listens. Its mainly for me. But if it can be of service, and help another, whether it is inspiration, creativity, motivation, etc, then all the better. All I know is I need to begin again somewhere, and the time has come to do it now, and it may as well be here.
Last night I sat on a bench in Market Square, Newburyport for an hour talking to a woman who had just lost her baby at birth last month. I, in return, spoke of my recent bout of depression (my third in less then two years), and how I had been contemplating suicide. Yes, at one point we even managed to crack a smile and joked at the morbidity and irony of our conversation. But at the same time, there seemed to be a mutual appreciation and comfort in the fact that neither of us were up for a casual 'chat about the weather'. We talked about some pretty deep shit. She asked me over to join her and her husband for dinner, but I had to politely decline, and explained how hard its been for me to be around others these days. In hindsight it may might have been a pretty good idea, but, in the end we hugged and wished each other well. She got up and walked away as if she was walking thru some 'time out of place', zombie like, and lost. I turned and did the same, and as I continued down to the boardwalk to make my way back home (oops, I keep forgetting I havent got one of those now.....yes..im still angry too!) my 'studio',the tears began to run down my cheek again and all I could do was gaze up at the sky and setting sun and ask, 'why'? Why does there seem to be so much struggle, pain, and displacement everywhere I turn? Is it just me? My life? My circle of friends and family? For me the answers are obvious. I see how I fucked up. But Im assuming the short answer is no overall. The times are hard. We saw it coming. Hell, I've been writing about it on these pages for years. But Im still stuck on the why. I really envisioned a different scenario by now. But never has the challenges seem to run so deep, so overwhelming, and so hopeless. Seems I've barely scratched the surface. There are times when Im so numb I feel nothing at all.
I continued to walk along the river as I made my way back to my studio. I sleep on the floor there some nights now when Im not at a friends. The walk has become a familiar comforting routine for me lately. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my life. Where to go. What to do. Obviously, the circumstances will have a knack of doing that. There are times when i can see that, for whatever reason, this is what I am choosing for the time being. Perhaps someday I will understand the 'why's it it all. But for right now, I believe its important to be open and honest about where I am at. I have to try and have faith that the reasons behind it will make themselves known when the time is right.
In the end, it came down to two choices for me. Either enter a hospital in an attempt to save my life. Or join a revolutionary occupation in an attempt to save my life, others, and what seems to me at this moment, a GOD forsaken world.
I chose the occupation. I figured the hospital will still be there when I get back. There are plenty of other reasons as well which I will elaborate on later, and other choices, within these pages, in the days ahead.
Its been a long time coming, and obviously I will have a lot to share and catch up on. For now, I am going to make this brief as I prepare to leave and check out the first phases of Occupy Boston . I will be reporting, photographing, and participating in this event to begin with.
For more information, check out Occupy Wall Street .
Good bye for now,..Im off to join the revolution! I will be praying for you. Please pray for me. I LOVE YOU ALL!
In Love and Service
October 2, 2010 9:00 a.m.
Transcribed from notes
2 PM, October 1, 2010
When I made the update to my web site this morning, I realized that the first posting that I have made in 508 days contained the master numerals 10-01-11. The significance of this is explained within my archived journals. In darkened days, any possible universal of divine confirmation is like a ray of hope contained in sunshine, a light at the end of the tunnel, beaconing and guiding my way back home.
I'm back on a train and headed for Boston for day 2 of the occupation that started last night, and inspired by the events in NYC two weeks ago on Wall Street. The movement is now threatening to spread across the country from Boston to Los Angeles. I'm not afraid to say that it may very well be the 'physical' beginnings of the next American revolution and part of the Global movement inspired by the likes of Tahir Square in Egypt and other places throughout the past year. My personal reservations of such movements playing into the hands of a larger agenda at work have been placed on hold and need to be put aside for the time being. Only to watch and observe on how it all plays out. Right now, as I see it, theres nothing else worthy of the challenge at hand that threatens the free world as I see it.
My purpose today is like that of a scouting mission. Simply to check it out and observe, record, then share my thoughts, observations, photographs and videos on my personal web site as an independent artist, and to intertwine my personal experiences. Perhaps a documentary, journal or even book looms on the horizon. In any case, I am now making my way to Dewey Square smack in the middle of Bostons financial district just outside of South Station to observe the first full day of 'Occupy Boston'. Due to the late start I should be there by late afternoon and in time for the General Assembly called for at 6PM. I'll then play it by ear to see if I make it back to Newburyport this evening or stay the night.
Theres a huge dichotomy playing itself here. I am only beginning to realize the scope of it both personally, nationally and globally. Today is the first full day of the occupation that officially began last night. Its also what seems to be the first full day of the next stage of my life personally. I've already written about some of the events that have led up to this and will be posting my journals here in time. Ironically, they have to do with my recent travels to Boston and New York within the last few weeks. I actually took pictures of the Wall Street 'Bull" at the 9/11 memorial and had no idea of the events that were to follow just six days later when Occupy Wall Street began of September 17th.
Like pieces of a huge jig saw puzzle that now seem to be falling into place, guided by intuition and a deep sense of following an inner guidance that once again, had no conscious idea of the events there were to soon follow. Shades of past journeys I've taken all over again.
Im snapped back to the here and now once again by shouts of the conductor, 'Chelsea,..Chelsea Station". As we pull out I look out at memories of my childhood on Heard Street and the Soldiers Home. Seems like such a long time ago. Im getting excited about finding out what Im soon to discover at Dewey Square.
I want to make mention of the contacts I made back in Newburyport just before boarding the train. First there was Damion, then Rose whom I havent seen in a very long time, then, as I was departing the station and texting Ben, he synchronistically called. Ben has turned out to be one of my closest friends and associates over the past few years, and although he is only half my age, he's a very old soul, and suspect it will only be a matter of time before his presence is felt here as well. We share a lot of the same philosophy's and was my counterpart in getting Transition Newburyport off the ground.
North Station looms next. Time to start moving.
End notes from 10/01/11
After running out of photographic disk space, battery charge, and being overwhelmed at what I experienced last night at Dewey Square, I decided to head back to my studio late last night to regroup, clean up, and pack my tent and some belongings in order to return today to stake my claim at Occupy Boston. Theres no doubt I must do this and find a way to work it into what it is I need to do there, as well as here. I will elaborate more on ym experience last night later.
Ive spent most the morning uploading videos and photographs and posting to my web page updates while making a couple of significant contacts. Gene, I can't tell you how much our conversation helped me this morning. You have been a great support and friend to me over the past couple years. This morning was no exception and thank you so much for calling me. Your reminder of courage, support and love are beyond measure to me.
Right now I would like to jump ahead of my self in order to share some previews of coming attractions as far as videos are concerned. My first impressions of what is taking place at Dewey Square are professional, organized and comitted. Even though the article in the Boston Herald this morning was supportive I have to disagree fully on what I saw and witnessed there personally as far as the personal involved, which I feel once the videos are fully released, one will see for themselves that these are a lot more then 'spoiled brats'. These people are revolutionaries that seem to be preparing for this most there lives. I have no doubt from those that I encountered, that these people are digging in and there for the long haul.
This first video will show the marchers re-entering the encampment and speakers addressing the crowd right prior to last nights General Assembly. Give it some time as it is slow in developing. I have so much to report and say on the events that were to follow but I am quickly running out of time today as I need to get back and stake my tent before space is gone if not already. I will try to get a couple of the GA videos up before I go but will be back tomorrow afternoon to try and balance out some of my personal work and will follow up on more asap. Please stay tuned.
October 3, 2010
I have just returned from 'Occupy Boston' after completing my first full night within the encampment. I was successful in reserving a space within the occupation. I have very little time to post any extensive update at this point due to responsibilities and comittments here in Newburyport that need to be taken care of immediately and overnight. In a word, last night wasn't easy. It was like a first night away at summer camp for a ten year old. The feeling of aloneness and questioning what I was doing there was almost unbearable throughout the night. I barely had any sleep at all since the only available tenting space still unoccupied was right next to the sidewalk that runs along Atlantic avenue with continuos traffic all night long. Not only that there is a street lamp overhead that lit up my tent like daylight. To add to it, the ground was still soaked from the weekends rain and low and behold a drummer and sax player decided that a jam session until 2 a.m. was suitable. I'd be lying if I told you a tear didn't traascend the drumming and accompany whatever sleep I had in a dream. This whole process at times is overwhelming. But it has been my choice, and its my cross to bear. No blame. No fault,..other then my own doing.
I got through it and climbed out of my tent at 5 a.m. to a hoard of media and did the best I could to physically and mentally prepare myself for an 8 a.m. march through downtown crossing on the way to the State House to deliver a message announcing the establishment of Occupy Boston. We also took the news to corporate owned Fox t.v. during an on-air broadcast outside their street lined window because they have been the only news station to choose to black out the occupation. After some old fashion democracy in action (which I have to say was caught dramatically on my video camera) the general consensus was, if the news doesn't come to you,...take the news to them, which we did with a high degree of satisfaction especially amongst those that have been pushing for such an action. I will get into all of this and more when I have the time later tomorrow. For now I will say this. This process has not been easy, but I have to say that when I return to Newburyport this afternoon at 12:20, I was met with an inner level of satisfaction, respect and self dignity that I haven't felt for myself in a very long long time. It has been very difficult to walk down a street here and hold my head up in such a manner, that I had forgotten what it was like. It wasn't much. I'm not talking about a grandiose euphoric feeling, but just enough to feel o.k. with myself and enough to know that perhaps there is some light in the end of all this. Perhaps there is a small ray of restoration, of hope, not only for myself, but for all of us as a country, a race, and a species, that if this process can bring about some kind of personal transformation then its possible to do it as a whole. Right now, for me, that possibility remains a glimmer. The ups and downs are excruciating at times. But on some small way, on some small level, I felt a twinge of hope and that, for me, says a lot. Theres been a couple times I have felt this lately, only for it to abade as quickly as it came. But for now I'll take even that. Theres something happening here with me. And theres something happening in Dewey Square that is hard to explain, but I can feel it coming through piece by piece. My journaling has been extensive and the photography and videos have been dramatic and can't wait to share all of it. Its been hard to contain at times. I started getting insights on the trip back and after talking it through with my friend Alex today, it's becoming clearer and clearer. Tonight I have to put in a few hours at my night job (yes, thats Mobil by the way) and then on to fulfilling yet another comittment, but with the knowing that I will get to sleep in a bed for the first time in days! Yay!.
I will return here tomorrow to begin posting the documentation and hopefully bring it all up to date. There are still fragments of relationships that are tearing at my heart and at times it bleeds profusely. I'm at a lost on what to do about it and pray that there can be resolution. I will attempt to write on this and more tomorrow.
Till then, ....I will continue to pray for peace within, ...and without. Know that my love is with you, and that there is a crack in my heart where a light can hopefully begin to shine once again. I love you,...all of you....and its all I can say for now.
October 8, 2011
This video was taken on Monday October 3, 2011 approximately at 8:30 a.m.. It is of a general announcement and statement by a small delegation of 'Occupy Boston' made at the Massachusetts State House. I will have more to say about the following string of videos later.
October 10, 2011
A period of intense preparation, introspection, and work, has led to a precipice of hope. Where yesterday was filled with hopelessness and dispair, today there is at least possibility. A faint glimmer of light flickers like a morning star on the ocean horizon. yesterday i was drowning in a sea of debt, and given one last chance for a gasp of air. the voices of disbelief kept whispering in my ear,what if it doesn't happen? . i almost called out again,... please help me. i can't do this alone. but alone i had to strive. alone i had to work. alone i had to be.
today there was a reprive. even if for a day, there is a chance. workin thru the midnight oil as the darkness turned to dawn. i had never seen a star shine so bright last night. the meloncholy is terrible. i was petrified with the thought of failing again. not now. i prayed for strength till my back ached. transmuting extreme lonliness to the peacefullness. memories of the glory in solitude. trying to regain the voice within, silenced, forgotten, for far to long.
the universe is still providing just what i need. not less, and no more. still no margin of comfort. but i am gratefull for the reprieve. the possibility of moving forward. i almost feel there is a contract, one in which i must fulfill. i must make things right again.
first within, then without.
One more day of work, and then time to take a breath. I will try to return here sooner then later.
October 11, 2011
No, I haven't been rounded up by police. Just need some time. Will return soon to continue. Thank you for your continued support, thoughts, patience and prayers.
In the meantime, I'd like to leave this statement from Occupy Wall Street. I believe these actions will not only continue, but fully expect them to escalate. And even though I believe both sides are creating these scenarios, (yes virginia, there is a 'they'), as they have in N.Y.. They are being manipulated by the 'powers that be' (that play both sides) in order to lead to the justifications for the 'really really police state' that is coming. There is no choice, but to continue to support and document this movement. There is nothing else left better to do now. But coming from someone who has been there first hand, witnessed such events time after time, and studied and researched the 'bigger picture' behind all that is happening now for years (much of it archived right here on these pages), all I can say is, be aware of the bigger picture as this process is played out. Do NOT lose sight of it. Do not condemn. The bigger picture is about unity consciousness. Transmutation from darkness to light, from pain to joy, from evil to good, from hate and fear,...to love. Transformation. A Consciousness Transformation...and it all leads to the same place. It takes all kinds. We are all actors in the same play, and we ALL have our roles to play out. There is no right nor wrong, just different sides of the same coin. None of which are more important, or less than, the other.
'The Rising Sun'
#OWS Stands In Solidarity With 100 Arrested At Occupy Boston
Posted Oct. 11, 2011, 11:52 a.m. EST by OccupyWallSt
Occupy Wall Street would like to express our support and solidarity with both the people of Boston and the 100+ arrested at Occupy Boston last night. We commend them for their bravery in standing their ground at great personal cost to assert the right of the people to peaceful assembly in public spaces.
We condemn the Boston Police Department for their brutality in ordering their officers to descend upon the Occupy Boston tent city in full riot gear to assault, mass arrest, and destroy the possessions of these peaceful women and men. We condemn them for ordering this attack in the middle of the night. These people were not simply protesters holding a rally, it was their home, it was their community and it was violated in the worst possible way by the brutal actions of the BPD. Furthermore:
The Boston Police Department made no distinction between protesters, medics, or legal observers, arresting legal observer Urszula Masny-Latos, who serves as the Executive Director for the National Lawyers Guild, as well as four medics attempting to care for the injured. [emphasis mine]
These actions go beyond unconscionable, they're unthinkable. If this was war, the BPD could be found guilty of war crimes:
Chapter IV, Article 25 of the Geneva Convention states that "Members of the armed forces specially trained for employment, should the need arise, as hospital orderlies, nurses or auxiliary stretcher-bearers, in the search for or the collection, transport or treatment of the wounded and sick shall likewise be respected and protected if they are carrying out these duties at the time when they come into contact with the enemy or fall into his hands.
Every day the actions of the BPD, NYPD, etc. continue to remind us that the police no longer fight to "protect and serve" the American people, but rather the wealth and power of the 1%. With each passing day, as the violence of the state continues to escalate, the myth of American "democracy" becomes further shattered.
THIS IS WHAT A POLICE STATE LOOKS LIKE And we are what democracy looks like. We do not fear your power and we will continue to fight for a better world. We will never stop growing and each day we'll continue to expand, block by block and city by city. We call upon others to join us, to take a stand against these ever encroaching threats to our liberty. We commend the brave actions of our sisters and brothers in Boston and condemn the BPD leadership. We call upon the rank-and-file police officers of this country to disobey such orders and remember that they protect and serve the people. You are one of us, the 99% and we're too big to fail.
October 17, 2011
After spending the better part of the past week taking care of business and getting my 'own house' in order, I just returned from yet another trying night spent at Occupy Boston. I will have more to write about this later. For now, enjoy the 'light'er side of 'Dancing in the Streets' at Occupy Boston.
October 24, 2011
Anything posted here from alternative sources should be read and taken with full discretion and not as the ultimate 'word'. They are meant to demonstrate the vital importance in keeping mind's AND perspectives open during trying times of upheaval and change. Here is a perspective on getting 'street wise' aimed at the current world wide occupation movement.
October 27, 2011
In light of the recent crackdown in Oakland, California on Tuesday, and the violence that resulted in an injured veteran Scott Olsen being hit in the head by a projected 'rubber bullet', a new level of intensity of the occupy movement is now being reached nationally and internationally. Regardless of who or what the circumstances were that led to this incident, such a level of violence and intensity are inevitable and will only escalate from here. This is not a negative projection...it is common sense and a reality check.
All parties involved will benefit from such actions. As more and more incidences such as this take place, the movement will benefit and be catapulted to national and international exposure, gaining in strength in numbers, while the manipulating 'powers that be' behind the scenes that are calling for the riot police and intensification's of crackdowns will benefit by the continued escalation of exposure and public outcry, as more and more violence will inevitably take place, leading too chaos in the streets, socio-economic breakdowns, and eventually resulting in martial law and an escalation of the planned police state. Do your homework and educate yourself. God knows there's plenty of sources out there now including this one.
I repeat, THIS IS NOT a negative, or feared based projection. I have been talking about and exposing such events for years while many have ignored the warnings. Not only have they ignored them, but have condemned me for them. Besides, its time to bring it all down anyway. And no matter what anyone says, there was no way around this. What is going to happen was going to happen no matter what. I would highly advise against falling into the trap of thinking this is 'hopeless', or that such predictions or common sense leads to such 'hopelessness'. My suggestion for you is...do your homework. Educate yourself...and stop blaming those that have been speaking and warning of such events for years as if we/they are the ones that have contributed to such a state of affairs. This type of thinking could not be furthest from the truth. As a matter of fact, its outright dangerous. If you are one that believes prayer and positive thinking can contribute and change the outcome for the better, then my suggestion is,...start praying and start doing SOMETHING, ...ANYTHING positive that you feel will effect the current times for the better. YOU WILL BE SUPPORTED. Anything is better then doing nothing at all and caught up in your own little reality. You will not be looked down upon or criticized for being a waste of time, or misguided energy. But lets make one thing clear right now once and for all. Simply because I believe, or have come to understand, that there is nothing that can be done to alter the outcome of these current events, DOES NOT MEAN I have no hope for humanity. Quite the contrary. If anyone knows me at all, or has listened to anything I have ever said, or read anything that I have ever written or posted on these pages since 1997, instead of projecting your own 'end thoughts or misguided interpretations', knows that I have always maintained that humanity is about to enter a new era. A new world awaits. NOT A NEW WORLD ORDER.
Get it straight...and get it clear, ...... and listen CAREFULLY. This is not a drill. All the warnings have been heeded. This is for real...and its time to wake up. Truth be told, I do not pretend to know what the outcome will be. In all honesty, I believe it all depends on the level of awakening, that would contribute to a collective consciousness that would transcend any and all obstacles.
If this was to happen, I believe the system would eventually collapse within itself. It would be left up to those that have the fortitude to endure and survive that would rise from the 'end game' scenario. Those that have prepared in all phases,.... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... and have activated their LIGHTBODY,..that would rise above the carnage..and would continue to survive here on Earth.
Is this scenario possible? I do not know. Its up to each and everyone of us to awaken.
People to keep a close eye on; Who is 'George Soros'
View of Reclaimed Oscar Grant Plaza in downtown Oakland on Wednesday evening, October 26, 2011.The following is taken from the official website of Occupy Oakland .
GENERAL STRIKE & MASS DAY OF ACTION Ė NOVEMBER 2
October 27, 2011
Liberate Oakland, Shut Down the 1%
GENERAL STRIKE & MASS DAY OF ACTION
Wednesday November 2, 2011
Below is the proposal passed by the Occupy Oakland General Assembly on Wednesday October 26, 2011 in reclaimed Oscar Grant Plaza. 1607 people voted. 1484 voted in favor of the resolution, 77 abstained and 46 voted against it, passing the proposal at 96.9%. The General Assembly operates on a modified consensus process that passes proposals with 90% in favor and with abstaining votes removed from the final count.
We as fellow occupiers of Oscar Grant Plaza propose that on Wednesday November 2, 2011, we liberate Oakland and shut down the 1%.
We propose a city wide general strike and we propose we invite all students to walk out of school. Instead of workers going to work and students going to school, the people will converge on downtown Oakland to shut down the city.
All banks and corporations should close down for the day or we will march on them.
While we are calling for a general strike, we are also calling for much more. People who organize out of their neighborhoods, schools, community organizations, affinity groups, workplaces and families are encouraged to self organize in a way that allows them to participate in shutting down the city in whatever manner they are comfortable with and capable of.
The whole world is watching Oakland. Letís show them what is possible.
The Strike Coordinating Council will begin meeting everyday at 5pm in Oscar Grant Plaza before the daily General Assembly at 7pm. All strike participants are invited. Stay tuned for much more information and see you next Wednesday.
October 28, 2011
This could be some of the most significant information ever posted here. After hours of reading, I will return as soon as I can to share my insights on these links as soon as possible. In the meantime, this is a MUST READ!
Taken from the Miracles and Inspiration 'News' Article, 'October 28, 2011: The Beginning of the Golden Age and the Emancipation of the Human Race' .