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Gallery Updates - July, 1999


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Welcome to a SunSpirit 'Gallery Update'. Here You will find the most recent updates made to this web site by scrolling below. Archived updates from the Gallery dating back to 1998 are located within the Gallery Archives. Please feel free to write the artist with suggestions, questions, or add your own comments to the gallery's guestbook above - Happy wanderings!:

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July 17th, 1999

I've been waiting patiently for that certain magnetism,..that certain illuminating ray that casts it's energy and permeates every thought,..every action....every word. Unmotivated and uninspired enough to pick up pen and paper and write for almost 3 months now...i've sat on the sidelines trying to objectively absorb all the events as if I have been somewhat disaasociated with the events themselves. As if I have been the ousider looking in. Holding it all in through all the changes,.the traveling, the experiences and experiments. Through all the "synchronicities", the productions, the relationships, the love and pain...the core-relations....the re-memberings and awakenings. I've tried to surrender the process and let it go,..to let itself play out,..trying only to serve the purpose of a higher will and to fulfill that in which I can...but I find myself falling short due to the stubborness of my own frailities,..the shortcomings,.the fears and frustrations.

The topic of inspiration had come up in a recent conversation upon arriving back in tennessee a couple weeks ago, during a late nite talk. It is this power to inspire that directly stems from the power of "being" inspired that drives one to release,.to express. To try to capture the same energy that is transfered during this being of "In -Spirit",..or inspired. Since the intense documenting that was accomplished during that final, twelve day period at "celestail falls" on Easter week, I lay my pen and recorder down on the nite of April the 4th, Easter Sunday,..and recorded the final thoughts.. Other then the audio productions,..Nothing has been written or documented since till now.

This certainly has not been due to the lack of significant events, nor lack of inspiration. Perhaps it is just the willingness for the process to complete itself,..or at least, spiral to the next level and rotation on it's own,..and to absorb all that I may through memory,.and mental impression. To try to take it all in and comprehend.

Since arriving back from California once again,..I've spent days reading back through the journals, listening to the tapes,..looking at the photographs and trying to assemble some "totality",..some "order"...again,..some perspection to this period of time...the same process that I have had to endure on numerous occasions now over the past two years. My re-entry into the maintream again has taken it's toll...more so then expected. I've been back in New England for just a couple weeks now and already the anxiety and panic attacks have found ways to manifest,..even in the once most simplest of task like driving on route one or being in large crowds. As the realizations fully sink in of the events that have occured over the past eighteen months...the distance between the two realities has grown into a perilous dichotomy, one in which a 'world within a world" seems more like a 'world separate from this one". Yet,...day after day,..time after time again,..we see all the lessons right before our very eyes. Yet we still refuse to accept the truth. The dichotomy portrays itself in many ways,..setting the stage for the Karmic dances to be played out,...transmuted, balanced and purified...over,..and over again. there are no ways around it. The two worlds are on a collision course of fate and destiny. One cannot exist or evolve without the other.

Again today,..as the world waits the fate of John kennedy Jr, missing in the atlantic.,..we are reminded once again of all that matters....it is there for us all to see. ...yet,..we find ourselves asking why.

It is this paradigm,..this dichotomy that inspires me,.that drives me. Order from chaos,...pain to transformation...the karmic cleansing. It is the story behind the times,...of the men and women that shape our world,..and the world to come. The challenge that comes with capturing the essence of this manuscript is nothing compared to the challenge of balancing these realities. ..these energies....There is no way back from the path I've chosen,..there is no going back now that I've passed through that threshold, and entered the doorway to the fifth dimension. The trick now is to find out how life in this dimension becomes bearable. Sometimes I feel my only hope of sanity in this world is to write,..to create,..to express these realities as I have experienced them. Otherwise I run the risk of being held in eternal strife of emotional bondage and turmoil...suffacating by my own dis-illusionment...my own inbalance.

Everyone has their story......and like so many others these days,..this one happens to be about my experience as an artist and a human being living through a transition while approaching a new millenium...a new "cosmic cycle",..a natural process in which I now know I am responsible for carrying out a small part.,,that in which I am still defining. If this documentation is merely personal in nature,..a reflection,.. in order to help gain this balance and responsibility for myself,.then so be it,...But if anyone may relate,..identify,..or be touched and inspired in some way by this cosmic myth,..this irony of truth,......and helps to assist them in becoming "part of" ....even better. It certainly has that power. At very least it is a personal record of a time that will never be repeated again.

So many times I have gotten to this point, or attempted to find a collective rallying point,...or a point where I can merge the past journals to the present and find some cohesion due to many piles and pages of notes, tapes, photos, videos, and personal momentoes. There has been so many significant occurences that it is hard to find one that stands out. And the more I remember,..the farther the story goes back in time, the more material collected...an ever expanding horizon of knowledge and wisdom,..and remembrance..at times overwhelms me....to a point where I become numb and nothing seems to matter at all. An endless cycle of experience,..inspiration,..confrontation, dispair, pain..release....remembrance,...transformation...........experience.

But there is one night in particular that I'm continously drawn back too..,.. it was right after the time when I first returned to Boston from Yosemite in Nov of 97 ,..a few months after that fateful first trip to california after setting the wheels in motion due to the "Faces of God" invocation in July... That following January winter nite,.. and the conversations with a Mr. Dimarino about the Solarian Legacy...the hermetics and "spiral energies". Little did I know then,.that what i thought I knew,.or was remembering that nite,.....was to soon come to pass.

An excerpt from the journals- january 20th, 1998.

"We spoke of so many things,.so vast. In the middle of making one point he then took back my book i was holding in my hand and opened to the drawing he had made earlier. With this he noticed the front cover design of the book,.it has Leonardo Da Vinci's famous painting with the male body within a circle...He said,."there,..like this,..davinci,..one of my very first teachers". I was so taken by the sketch on the back cover that i never had noticed that he inscribed four symbols right above where he had signed his name. A square, a circle, a spiral, and a triangle. He went on to elaborate on the symbols, speaking of them in reference to mathematical equations. He pointed out that the square and the triangle are basic forms that enclose all that is universal and something to the effect of diagonal and straight lines,..or planes...and their particular relationships to such. He also spoke of them in terms of consciousness. He told me to pay attention to diaganols, for they are very important. He then went on to the circle and explained the relationships on how that was universal and all encompassing. Then he came to the spiral,..and this struck me as ever so intensely. I have been studying lately through several sources i may add about the cylical "forces". He then put his hand on his forehead and said "right here,.in the minds eye,..this power chakra, rub it,..rub it till you see blue,..blue!....then when it turns white,..follow the spiral of light..."The now is the time of the mind." He went on, "follow this spiral,..this shape, this symbol"..pointing again at the sketch on the book,.. "is of utmost importence during this time of transition. Follow it up from the earth,..through your body and connect to the cosmos through your crown chakra, the soft spot on the back of your head". He then smiled and said, "the light,..ohhhh,..the light!!.". I suddenly felt a shift in the understanding on what I had been researching,.. what he was referring too,..as all of the lessons of late related to this cylical energy and connection from the earth to the cosmos,.. I turned to him and added "unparalled"....he agreed enthusiastically,.."stellar", i said. "yes, ...cosmic", he said....."Divine". Do this, and you will attain Dharma..... Truth,..you will have access to the absolute....follow it,.listen to it, envision it." The intent of his voice became highly charged,..totally focused. He leaned over closer to me and looking straight into my eyes went on to say in the most aggressive, but almost a whispered, assurring way... "You"...pointing his finger at my heart, and pressing into my chest.... "are on the right path.... Don't let anyone,"..he then repeated, pressing into my chest with his finger once again... "ANYONE...tell you otherwise. And i think you,.."...he stopped himself right there and then corrected himself,.."no,..when you think.... you are not sure,..what i meant to say is this,...I KNOW... you will acheive your goals,... stay on this journey, ....do not deter,...and you will set standards for future generations to follow. Just think of the people that you will help. I am here to assure you,..to encourage you to go on. You have taken on the most Noble of causes,.it is a calling....it is a chosen path. I know how hard your path is...be a WARRIOR. Not a warrior that kills and destroys,..but a fighter,..one that endurs...Through your scarifice, your pain,...you will have what is yours, and noone will be able to take this from you. Noone can take away your path,....your truth,...it is yours, and it will endure for all time."

I did not know what to say..i was completely astounded...numbed and paralyzed. I still can't find the words to describe the way i felt. We were looking into each others eyes and i could feel that he saw right through me. I had never even had the chance to mention anything about such a "journey"...such a sacrifice,..such pain...such a "goal"??.. I never once mentioned anything about such a thing. How was he to know of this?,..how was he able to speak to me,..to reach me in such a way to make such a profound and timely gesture.??..The hermetics and the theory's of matenergy were swirling about my mind in patterns of thriving energy...they then seemed to penetrate a place in my heart center. My eyes welled up and i had this lump in my throat...I managed to be able to utter a thank you...Sir. There was this permeation of knowing..so familiar...so concentrated and focused.

I wanted to tell him that i couldn't believe this. I wanted to ask him who he really was,..but i knew better ..I think he knew this too. I have learned not to question these things any more. Who he was,..how he knew of such a journey,..and even if there was one was beyond me. Yet,.it wasn't. I do not question,.It was not my intent to question at the time,.but only to listen,.to absorb. It did not matter to me who he was,..or why he was telling me this. It was what was being said that mattered the most. It was not within me to question 'the intent"..in the most profound ways,.i knew.....as if I was,.."re-membering"..and waking from a dream.

At the end of the first part of that excerpt taken from the journals of january of 98,..I had mentioned that I "bumped" into Dimarino once again. Although not as intense,.there was one significant detail that stands out from the second chance meeting. I remember at this time,..i began to tell him of the adventures and purpose of my visit to California and how I hoped to return soon. I had taken out a photograph to show him of the falls. He took the photograph and held it up to his forhead,.his 'third eye",....and after only a second or two,..he handed it back to me and quikly prompted,.."It is done"...All that you see,..will be done.

Nine months later I was to return to Celestial Falls in California to experience the most intense interactions between my soul family, and my higher self to date. In hindsight,so much that has been written in these journals has now been understood and percieved as all the stages of a transformation process that have been learned not through the intellect.... but through experience...all triggered by a certain invocation which led to these journals.




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